To my Jonathan

My little love,

I have been working on this letter to you for over a month now and it still doesn't feel complete, but I know the words I have for you will never end, so I better just go with what I got.  As my pregnancy with your sister comes to an end, I find myself feeling very sad and scared for you.  I know how silly that must sound!  But, for over two years, you have been my everything....you haven't had to share me with another little person, and I just don't know how you will handle this transition.  I know that Isabelle is as big a blessing from God as you were, and I know she is your blessing too, not just mine and Papa's.  I also know that you are a two year old who is kind of full of himself.  :) 

I pray every day that God will guide me along in this new journey.  Just like you, for the past two years I have not had to share MY time with another little person.  I pray that He will help me and show me ways to include you in everything to do with your sister.  It will be different for all of us, but it will be better. 

I am so proud of the little man you are becoming.  You are polite and sweet and just the right amount of ornery.  Every time I look at you it feels like my heart is exploding and I get the same feeling I did the first time I saw your beautiful face.  You are the best thing I have ever done and I don't even know how I felt happiness before you were mine. 

I hope that you will always know how much Papa and I love you.  I never want you to question that.  If you do, then we're doing something wrong.  I pray I pray I pray for so much for you. 

I am excited to see what each new day with you brings, but I want time to slow down also.  You are starting a Day School in the Fall and for some reason this packing a lunch thing really is hitting me hard!  Only big kids have lunches packed right???  Not my 2 and a half year old!  It will be hard for me to leave you, even if it is just for one day a week, but I know you will enjoy it so much and will grow from the experience.  You are such a social person and I feel like you need it. 

You will be such an amazing big brother.  You love "sissy" already and I know you can't wait to have a baby.  Seeing you love Isabelle will be the biggest blessing of all. 

Last night (and then again today when I was putting you down for a nap) you made my mommy heart oh so happy.  As I put you in your crib (after you had climbed out several times!), you said "momma, sing.".  So I started singing our song, You Are My Sunshine.  I have sang this song to you since you were born, and you're starting to learn the words yourself, which is just the sweetest thing.  So, as I am leaning on your crib, singing the words to you, you look up at me and smile your beautiful, big smile, put your hand on mine and squeeze it.  As I finished the song you let go of my hand, grabbed Caesar (his most prize possession, a stuffed monkey), cuddled up with him, and gave me an unsolicited "I wov" (aka I love you).  My little man, "I wov" you so very much.  I am so happy and blessed that you are mine.

Love always,
Momma